Writing inspired by the SWC creative writing prompt: Who was your first kiss? How was your first kiss?

First Kiss

By Tamara Raidt

I didn’t like my first kiss:

this is the first thing I reminisce.

Strange how the intention (or here,

the non-intention), is stronger than

the kiss itself, than the taste,

than the impression, I guess

I wanted to impress him.

It was a best friend’s best friend

and we had met in this bigger city

where everything was closed

and the words that came

out of my mouth left so many

thoughts undisclosed.

Two small universes

walking side by side

not needing each other,

maybe wanting each other

not colliding, just coming

closer out of curiosity,

out of happenstance,

because I learned

that one universe

cannot subsist

if it does not gravitate

around

something bigger.

I didn’t like my first kiss

but now that I think back

I didn’t want that first kiss

but who was I, at fifteen,

to say no?

Had I been told so?

No I’ve been told to

get married, but not

with the first comer,

I’ve been told not

to worry, there were

still things to discover.

I didn’t know it takes

years to polish a no,

to blunt its edges, to refine it

so that the “no” wouldn’t

be returned to me

like an unread letter;

back then I didn’t know better.

It takes even more years

to put enough strength

in a no, enough self-confidence

to let it go alone to its addressee,

not to care anymore if

it has been received;

it takes year to create a no

that is able to stand alone

on both its feet,

without the support

of a “sorry”

or a “because” –

oh it has so much more power

than an apology does,

but that no one would

ever say

to me.

I guess it is too

frightening

when a universe

starts to

exist per se.